The motley crew of new jersey

Ah America,New Jersey and all the way to the pubs of New York City! It was the best year 1986 and the craic was ninety well of what we all collectively remember of it! Opal (thats an alias for Olive Anne White) was still crying because she was home sick (hungover more like it) and still hanging out the bathroom window smoking and the tears running down her face and sure alls I could do was laugh anytime I saw her, mind you if you called her and were acting the bollox on the phone she had no problem just clicking you off and dopey me would call back and click huhhhhh so we all decided to be nice to Opal if we wanted her to be our friend awwwwww. So when the Newmans or slavemen were done with poor Opal she went from the fire into the frying pan with MADMICKEY. I dont recall ever being to madmickeys house although I'm sure I was but must have been afraid of her so have blocked it out, maybe I should go to theraphy and see if that memory is on my backburner somewhere over the rainbow. Oh hang on I do remember because I remember going to the fridge that was always my destiney while visiting other girls jobs (food) and jaysus everthing had a coat of many colors on it fooking mouldy so that explains the one visit nothing to eat!! On one occasion Madmickey went like a bolt of lightening into Opals room and told her the clothes she ironed the day before were not done right and Opal told her to get the fook out ( she had a bad hangover that morning) and that the dress was horrible and even had she ironed it right she wouldnt wear it! A month for Opal was enough and so she gave that job to her friend ha ha ha with friends like you Opal...... Off to the Bronx for Opal and that was the end of her days in New Jersey, she had moved on to bigger and better ahhh yes she was now working in the Big Smoke of New York City.



Meanwhile Mary (have to use an alias for this one) was still in Wayne and her sister Wanda( she was a real Wanda) would come and visit her from Bayside Queens and stay over in the house where Mary was employed. WELL one weekend while she was there we all stayed in Marys room and in the middle of the nite Wanda decided to go mooching in the house. She told me the next day that she crawled on her hands and knees( ok I know she hardly crawled on her head) into were Mary's bosses were sleeping, shite I said Wanda what the fook were you doing in their bedroom and she told me to have a gawk and to see what she could rob and she did rob jewerly from them but the odd thing is they never missed it hmmmm strange bunch in that house! Now Wanda was a blast and didnt give a fook and I mean DID NOT give a crap about anything. She worked for a single mother who had one school going daughter in Bayside Queens, and Wanda's job was to take her to and from school while the mother was away on business! One weekend i decided to take an adventure to what seemed like far away queens to visit Wanda and have a bit O craic and thats what we did. The mother and daughter were away for that weekend and Wanda had to take care off some fooking bird ina cage not sure what it was it could have been an eagle for all I knew back then. The evening I arrived Wanda start showing me the mothers clothes closet and start showing me the outfits she (Wanda )takes out and wears everyday when picking the child up from school, well it went from red leather suits to fur coats to the womans boots Wanda didnt give a fook. I asked her what the kid says when she sees her in her mothers clothes and Wanda said I told her, her mother said its OK huhhhhh. So we started to have a few drinks and as we were loosing all sence of anything Wanda decides to let the bird out of the cage, what ensued was a 2 hour chase around the house to get the dam bird and after no success we said fook it because we were now fairly to pretty drunk and we decided fook the bird we'll catch it in the morning. Alls I remember is the fooking room spinning and then waking up with a massive hangover and the bird still nowhere to be found. Wanda eventually caught the thing and fooked it back in the cage what a weekend. Mary called me often like all day and if her boss was there she would try talk Gaeilic to me letting me know she couldn't say much well between her little irish and my no irish it was a disaster, on one conversation I thought she said come visit so I did and she said what the fook are you doing here and I said you told me to come and she said I did fooking not I said my boss is listening ahh yea great communication skills alright but Im much better now!Mary eventually left that job and went from bad to worse to downright she went home worse, can't say I blame her the familys she worked for were horrible everyone of them shit what luck! While Mary was in New Jersey (her first job) the familys relations came for a visit and told Mary to watch the giant poodle they had and to make sure the dog was kept clean ha so when they went out Mary fooked the dog out with the family dog well the dogs began fighting and they both fell through the pool cover and into the pool when Mary got them out the prizes dog was covered in shite so she hosed the fook out of the two of them good girl Mary. Another woman had her outside playing soccer above all things for Mary to be palying at 5am with the little boy and it still dark outside, and Mary would call me crying but the way she would tell the story i would be pissing myself laughing 5am that auldwan must have been off her fooking head......... poor Mary was mortified incase anyone saw her! So back to the Emerald Isle for her..................................



Back in New Jersey Betty( also an alias dont want to get arrested for using her real name) was still bossing us all around and telling us not to tell people we were working! What???what the fook do you think we are doing in New Jersey, come on for fooksake Betty I would say, well they'll report you....... and you'll be deported, so the fook what its not like they were going to deport us to Istanbull for jaysus sake so needless to say I didnt listen to much if any of her shite. Infact she thought she was one of THEM ah ha ha yea right reality check you clean their house you cook their food you take care of their kids PERIOD and she did it well because while we were out galavanting around boring auld Wayne she was cleaning the light fixtures that you needed a scaffold to get to No brownie points for that Betty, and how do we know this you may ask coz we use to look in her window, you got it like peeping toms although that was Opal's idea I would never think of doing something like that and coz I wanted Opal to be my friend I went along with it. Usually on Tuesday we were back to work coz we had Sunday and Monday off who the fook has those days off except us bunch of yahoooos oh maybe Betty coz she was special and different and took her job seriously I think she was hoping to become head housekeeper there ah well she didnt. Sometimes we would take the bus back to Wayne New Jersey all of us dying except Betty (of course)or so she would say Im not hungover I didn't drink that much, and then I'd say im fooking dying and mouthy would chime in with well Jacks you shouldn't drink that many pints,ahhh bollox off Betty and leave me the fook alone, I just needed to get off that no air bus and get some grub into me and 4days of sleep and i'd be grand. And so we all went back to our cells and passed out and yes im speaking for us all till our exciting work week began once more. The next evening I decided to take the bike and go visit well I'm riding down this hill and can see something or what i thought was a ghost following me so I peddled like the clappers and that thing was still on my tail so I peddled like Opal picking up all those leaves and fook I nearly ran into a tree with the bike coz I was trying to keep an eye on the ghost and an eye on the road, thank god i just fell off on to the ground,and when I looked back it was a sheet on somebodies clothes line jaysus I felt soooo fooking stupid and dont think I told that story to too many people or did I?????

And so Tuesday morning arrived sooner than I/we wanted but what could we do call in sick from the bedroom? The mothers would have their granola and orange juice and head of to the gym so into the playroom with the childer for a snooze. So I would put some kid show on for them and flop myself on the floor and I knew when the mother was home coz when she would leave she would leave the garage door up so I would put it down this way I would hear it going up when she got home and that would wake me up. Opal on the other hand had a better idea I guess being from Balbriggan she had more shite up her sleave. She would close the playroom door and put her feet against it so that when the mother got home she would hit Opals feet with the door and that would jar her into life, of course everytime she was hit she would say ohhh sorry just getting something from behind the door and the big sleepy head on her, were they stupid or were we just brilliant dont answer that. One Monday we were to head back from NYC for work on Tuesday but we all decided to have a few drinks in Toms, well needless to say we were still there at 2am Tuesday and had missed the last bus so now we are fooked how the hell are we to get back to New Jersey, so someone not ME came up with a bright idea we should get a taxi meanwhile we didnt have the money for such a luxury so we proceded to go up and down the bar taking any monies that was there and finally had enough for the taxi. To my recollection we stopped for food at a pizza joint on route 46 stuffed our faces in the taxi and off home with us! Recently I mentioned to Opal fruits that I pass that pizza place every Thursday nite on the way to PA and its still there and operating all these years later must have been great pizza, and I recalled the times the bus use to pull in there just so WE could get something to eat, ya ejit ya she said the fooking bus does not stop there and especially for you to get some grub and so she reminded me it was a cab and sure we are paying him so yea you will bleeding stop, that will tell ya how much I remember........


And so off into Toms pub on 26th & lex ave with all the intentions of doing something other than drink for the weekend yea right thats excactely what we did but we luved it and the craic was ninety! There was a band who played every Saturday night their names escape me or maybe I never knew it who the hell knows, but I would get up and sing or wail Nancy Spain every Saturday night and shit nobody ever said ah here jacks sing something else ,I could have been singing bon jovi for all they knew so Nancy Spain became my party piece awwwwwwww Im not sure if Toms served food but after 15pints Id be starving so next door to the deli for a wait for it bacon,egg, tunafish and onion on a toasted bagel yummy and a can of bud ina brown paper bag coz i was going to sit on the stoop outside with my homeless friends and have my sambo. I thought that was the greatest and coolest thing to do in New York City hang out with the homeless on the stoop there was deffo a screw or 7 loose with me back then or was it that I was just soooo young and innocent???? To be Cond.........